LOL! just laughing my ass off right now. Oh, don’t mind the fucking crazy bitch, kids, she’s just playing with demons right now. Once the exorcism is complete, she’ll no longer play with these demons, they’ll no longer plague her empty mind. Her feelings, thoughts and actions are no longer her own. It’s a good thing that no one knows what the hell is going on with me, because if anyone even had the slightest clue as to what I feel every fucking day of my life they’d beg me to kill myself or maybe I’d get lucky and they’d kill me. Who knows? All I know is that I’ve come to realize that my Bipolar Disorder has gotten worse but I am able to control it still. I hate everyone when I am at home, but Love everyone while at work. It’s the only way that I can be. The voices in my head are fucking with me too, maybe I am just crazy.. This whole mind over matter thing.. sucks ass..
i read through my dashboard daily and i’m just like “seriously?” I love some of the people on here, I have the ones that brighten my life and then the ones who make my darkest days seem even darker. So, thank you to the Bright and shiny ones.
And then it hits me and I can’t even believe this is my life
But people have problems that are worse than mine
I don’t want you to think I’m complaining all the time
And I wish that everyone would go and shut their mouths
I’m not strong enough to deal with it
| — | The Wreckers, Stand Still, Look Pretty |
was i never good enough for you? is that why you gave up?
did you find someone better? is that why you gave up?
i just want to know the truth, because i’m so sick and tired of hearing all these lies.
all i want is you, and that’s the weirdest thing for me to say because I’ve never felt so much for one person before.. I’ve never been willing to be this way, so dependent on the love of another.. now though, it’s like you took away all my will to carry on. I was going to ask you what you wanted me to do? did you want me to give up this program? i would’ve done it. did you want to move down here with me? I would’ve gotten us an apartment. did you just not want me anymore? i would’ve let you have all of me..
it’s the saddest thing ever, to know that you’re not wanted by the only person that you were actually willing to leave this program for. To leave, Florida for.. To actually think about taking on a few other jobs while I’m down here, so that I could afford to have her move down here with me.. Fuck my life.. Seriously.. I’m so done, let’s just trample over my pieces, pieces of something that once was beautiful.. just like my skin.. it once was beautiful.. now: these scars, words and wounds have destroyed my skin and my heart.. 2 vital organs.. Awesome.. Just awesome.. Can someone please just tell me one more time how much they care about me, now that they realize that I’m so close to the edge, just tell me again.. once more, it might just oush me to dive head first, into the rocks at the bottom of this cliff.. Please..? Death seems to be my last adventure that would be worth going on..
When you mention that you care, that you love me.. Guess it’s a good thing, ‘cuz someone ought to miss me when I’m gone.. The ocean is beginning to seem a bit too friendly to me.. Too friendly.. I have to go, to the ocean.. Maybe it’s just something that I have to do..
you broke me.. happy now..? I’ll pretend that I’m still happy because I have to, not because I want to. It’s something that I have to do, because I made a promise to a beautiful girl that unlike your sick twisted love triangle, actually wants me. Megan wants Shiloh but Shiloh wants Stefani’s boyfriend Jerry, while Stefani wants Megan and Jerry just likes to fuck with girls’ hearts. See the pattern of deceit here..? weird how ironic this is.. Like I’ve seen this movie once or twice before.. OH! that’s right because I have.. Megan and Shiloh will break up, Stefani and Jerry will break up. Megan will tell Stefani that she misses her and wants her back, Stefani will believe her. Jerry will do the same to Shiloh, then break up with her a month later and then this whole fucked up situation is an ongoing cycle!! I hope y’all read this and realize how fucking stupid you are for not believing me. I am soooo fucking close to just calling all of you out! Names and all, but wait, I already did that but not where anyone will ever see.. No one will ever care to look for the fucked up triangle.. Why..? Because I was the only one that cared about all three of you. Not in a romantic way, but in a friend way. I loved all of you and you just fucked me over. Megan, she only contacts me when she needs to use me. Stefani only contacted me because she wanted to know about Megan. Shiloh, just stopped caring enough to answer my calls/texts/messages so, I gave up too. AND Jerry, good ol’ Jerry is going to have himself a jolly good time if he ever thinks of hurting Stefani like he hurt Shiloh. Although, I really shouldn’t give a damn about what happens to her now.. I suppose I don’t really. We’re all eventually going to die. Some of us, such as myself, might be contemplating suicide as an escape while others just accept their fate and deal with their lives. Megan, Shiloh and Jerry won’t see this. Stefani will though, hopefully she realizes who she is and will actually try to stop this fucking retarded way of living. Yeah, I need help. But so do all of you too. So sick of you all.. >.<
